Making Sense of Change - Part I: Death & Rebirth
Growing Thru Obstacles, Meltdowns, Positive Changes, and Life Surprises
The Change Cycle always begins with a “catalytic event” (chosen or unchosen) that interrupts your typical life pattern. A catalytic event is either self imposed or thrust upon you. It can be experienced as something positive or negative. Either way the meltdown and psychological metamorphosis begins…
Typical Catalytic Events
- Loss of a loved one
- Birth of a child
- Being Fired
- Being Hired
- Marriage
- Divorce
- Moving
- Starting school
- Experiencing trauma
- Illness
- Winning the lottery
- Changing careers
Square One: Death and Re-birth
“I don’t know what is going on (and that’s okay!)”
The first phase of change is about transitioning from an old familiar place to something brand new. The best way to navigate this phase is with baby steps.
Types of Change
When you experience change that is a ”shock“, you will be more dazed and confused in Square One, than when your life is changed by opportunity or inward transition. When big change happens to you it may take several weeks or months before you finally understand that your life will never be the same again.
(Note: you may be at different stages of change in separate areas of your life, so while one area is melting down, another may be building or cruising along.)
The best tools for this phase include: making a habit of getting away, going inward, tuning into your essential self and doing the things that feel soothing to your soul. Music, for example can help move you from denial or numbness to connect to and move through the difficult emotions.
As a coach, when a client is experiencing Square One, there are two things I can support and guide them with:
- Help them to DISSOLVE any erroneous (and harmful) beliefs they may have been created in entering the meltdown.
- Help them to take the time to GRIEVE the real pain of loss
The biggest mistake you can make in Square One is to pretend it’s no big deal, ignore your internal compass and attempt to leap into goal setting and large action taking.
A wonderful metaphor for steering through Square One is of a leaf floating downstream. This is a time to let go of struggle and allow the flow of life to take you forward – as going back is impossible.
As you float down the river DO:
- Make only small moves and gather information
- Stay present and be in the “now”
- As much as you can, plan only days, hours or minutes in advance
- Remember that an ‘identity crisis’ is part of the process
- Get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable (You are birthing a new you — this is how it’s supposed to feel!)
- Remember the grief cycle includes: sadness, grief, denial, bargaining and anger.
- Be ‘okay’ with being an awkward beginner
- Remember the Square One Mantra: “I don’t know what is going on and that’s okay!”
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I am an innovative coach and love inspiring you to find soul-satisfying success for your creative endeavors. I am also a writer, author, and "laptop lifestyle" enthusiast.