Soul-filled Guest Post
by Deirdre Fay, MSW, LICSW
What does it mean to you to “be present”?
That’s not a rhetorical question. I actually want to know.
We all use that phrase liberally and I often wonder if it means the same thing to each of us.
This present moment.
Different people point to its meaning in different ways. Here are some of them:
“When you are open to the present moment, what comes in, is a gratitude for “what is.” When you are aligned with the present moment, there is a peace that comes, so it is like you are experiencing life for the first time, when you become present.” ~Eckart Tolle
Lin Jensen concisely writes, “The present moment is swifter than thought.”
Or here’s one by Tsunetomo Yamamoto, “Everyone lets the present moment slip by, then looks for it as though he thought it was somewhere else.”
It’s hard to enter into this subtle and glorious realm where each moment occurs undistracted by other events, thoughts, feelings, sensations. So much occurs so quickly that, as Lin Jensen says, ”The present moment is swifter than thought.”
Why am I making a big deal out of this? When we actually allow ourselves to be here, right now, 100% focused on what we are doing we have access into the kind of spaciousness that allows freedom to emerge.
This gets us to where you probably want to be: getting unstuck.
I recently had an experience of getting lost in a cycle of emotional mess. I was reminded that the world is generously offering me the chance to get free (!) by inviting me to be in those spots where I’m not. Whirling out into negative emotions I felt the burn and pain that comes from when I spin out into the emotional knots of aggression, craving, ignorance, jealousy, arrogance, self-righteousness and all the other variations.
Grateful to my practice of training my mind, softening my heart, an exploring my experience, I worked in the present moment to discover how best to free myself from the inevitable suffering that results from lingering in these states of mind.
What helps?
- Discrimination: Knowing what emotions to hold at bay long enough that we can ground ourselves and get some fresh air. At times, that might mean having to erect boundaries as the painful emotions flood their way into our experience.
- Turning down the feeling dial: We’re used to letting our emotions run amuck in us. We have a feeling and believe we don’t have any choice but to feel it. Affect regulation – how to turn down feelings when they threaten to overwhelm us – is a critical skill that can be learned.
- Becoming curious about what you are going through.
- Training ourselves in skill exploration of what we’re going through rather than taking it for granted. We can always get unstuck. The stuckness is often trying to show us some internal experience that hasn’t metabolized yet. Using our ability to be curious about what we’re aware of and beginning to befriend these states both make a difference.
- Remembering who we really are. When we’re in the middle of a mess it’s very easy to think that’s who we are, a jerk, a failure, a crumb, a worthless piece of…. Ka-ka. You have your version. We all do. When we identify with these states it becomes immeasurably more difficult to get out of them.
We are more than the collection of negative states we dump on ourselves. We are the precious qualities of love, kindness, generosity and open-hearted compassion. We tend to guard ourselves and only allow those precious parts of ourselves out when we feel we can be safe. Some of us have even hidden them away so far we’ve forgotten that we have them. But we do. You do. Our task is to remember.
That remembering comes easier when we take some time each day to become present, to tap into the miracle of being right here, now, without embellishment.
Let’s explore this further together…what insights, questions, or thoughts do you have on being present and getting unstuck?
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Deirdre Fay is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in helping people heal from trauma, through a skill set she calls “Becoming Safely Embodied.”
“Over the past ten years I settled on a series of skills that when practiced provide a map for the internal journey. They’re sort of like the bread crumbs Hansel and Gretel threw on the ground as they walked into the dark forest. The bread crumbs guided Hansel and Gretel back out into the larger world beyond the dark forest.” ~Deirdre Fay
For more information go to: safelyembodied.com
I am an innovative coach and love inspiring you to find soul-satisfying success for your creative endeavors. I am also a writer, author, and "laptop lifestyle" enthusiast.