From “Life Sucks” to Lifestyle

Alex! Super excited to have you with us today. The videos are such gems. I love how you share you own story with so much heart and authenticity.

Looking foward to today’s conversation.

And maybe we should have a BONUS contest — whoever can guess the origins of your intriguing brogue accent also wins a consultation with you.

Alex,
Thanks for the videos. It was great to get to know Heather and you a bit better.
I’m inspired by both your stories and information.
I’ve lived a charmed life. My mother has blessed me so much both personal and business wise. Today I am living life with a business of providing for others, flex time, raising two boys (ages 12 & 16) and recently divorced. Meeting lots of new people — many who work a 9-5 jobs and are envious of my passive income and freedom. They seek ways to change their own lives and how they generate income. Are there resources I can point them towards to start the process? Is this the kind of assistance you offer? And how would a person work long distance with you?

Hi Heather! Thank you

I’m so happy to be hanging out in your ‘soul filled cafe’ for the day, and meeting folks!

YES to the accent contest. Free half hour session to the person who can name even two of the three cultural influences that have left me not being able to speak properly or fit in anywhere Wait just a minute – my own family / friends are not included in this contest!

Alex

Hi Kistlerpatty! I’ll be right with you – just grabbing my tea…
A

Hi Kistlerpatty… not sure if that’s your first name, so hope I’m addressing you properly

Sounds like a wonderful situation you’ve created for yourself. That is so wonderful – I like the bit about friends ‘noticing’ your lifestyle. You are obviously helping people directly with your business which in itself is a dream for a lot of people, (YAY!) but when you’ve coupled that with a great lifestyle that nourishes you, you end up inspiring hundreds of others, don’t you!

…Inspire them to ask themselves the ONE super life-directing question: ‘what do I want my life to be like?’

This, imho, is a question that is infinitlely smarter, wiser, and more answerable than the usual life-directing question we ask: ‘what do I want to DO’ Bad question – stop that – someone ask me about that so I can spout about it and how it led me astray for years.

Sounds like you’ve definitely figured a lot of this out, Kistlerpatty, and yes, this is absolutely the kind of assistance I like to roll up my sleeves and get into with people – life and income design I guess is what it comes down to! If I can help any of your peeps, I’ve got a free course called the Calling Workshop over on my website, plus ways to contact me: http://www.BigDreamProgram.com

Hope this helps, and thanks for your comment!

Alex

Yes! This is exactly the point that gets missed: how do I want to live, rather than how do I set up my business. Finding a way to make money and support yourself is important, but the real question is much bigger. I love the barber story–there is such a difference in how they will look back on their lives.
I find that the question is always there as a guide to decisions that need to be made, year in and year out. Even the first barber can make a change when he hits the burnout wall. Even if he is over 40….

Love that, the “soul-filled cafe.”

Ok — contest for Alex’s accent is on… (no input from Basiley friends & family)

Very true. Alex — what advice would you give the first Barber, late in life, for getting back on track with life style. What would be the very first things you would advise him to do?

Skype (skype.com) has allowed me to work “in person” with clients around the world (just have to work out time differences). Alex do you use Skype for client coaching ever?

Thanks for writing in! You do indeed seem to be living a “charmed life” Do you know Victoria Moran? She is a favorite author of mine and wrote a beautiful book called ‘Living a Charmed Life’ (I used to carry it with me on the subways of NYC, back when my life was not feeling all that charming) Your comment brought it to mind.

Hi Alex,

I’m a corporate executive in my mid-forties and I’m burnt out. Right now I’m on a leave of absence from my job for 3 months because I literally couldn’t take one more day in the office and my employers thankfully agreed to let me take some time off. So here I am, wandering around Northern California, wondering what I’m supposed to do with my life. I don’t feel like I want to continue in my marketing position that I worked so hard to achieve, and that’s scary, walking away from the security and success that took years to build and only recently paid off. But I realize I never really chose my profession, I didn’t ever say this was my dream. I needed to survive and this came along and I was good at it. And now here I am in mid-life and the thought of going back to school or starting from scratch is terrifying. But the things I’m interested in would require that and even at the end of many years of school and training there’s no guarantee of success. And what if I find that’s not what I really like? I don’t really feel a strong calling for anything although I do know I need something that has meaning and purpose to me personally this time around. Where do I start to figure this question out? I only have 2 months left of my time off and my fear is I’ll end up going back to my very busy, demanding job and this opportunity will pass forever.

What a super comment. Thank you for sharing that. And you’re so right – such a difference in their memories and feelings about their lives.

and yes – the getting back on track bit when we’re, well… a ways down the road . Actually now that you mention it, I think you’re both onto something. It’s time poor Barber #1 got a 2nd chance wha?!!! Never thought of it… poor guy.

OK – here’s what I’d do with him. I’d take him someplace like a coffeeshop or pub. With a notebook. And what we’d probably uncover is a brand new ‘next chapter’ for his life in which he can turn his realizations, even his past mistakes, into an AMAZING AMAZING lesson to share with others in the same boat as he was. He can go out and literally SAVE people from future regrets. All the other barbers out there need to hear his story, and maybe make some changes early on.

Imagine what that could do for hundred’s of barbers, let alone their kids, their spouses… Imagine how that would make Barber #1 feel after being cooped up for 20 years and feeling like it was a bit meaningless. Blam. Purpose!

And my guess is he could earn quite a bit of money sharing these insights as well if he wanted to.

But there’s more – before ANY of that, I’d be asking him to tell me everything he can about his dreams and the important stuff he put on the backburner years ago. His Big Dreams, places he’s wanted to visit, to take his wife, things he’s always wanted to learn, see, do. I’d ask him what a dream lifestyle would be like. I’d ask him WHO matters in his life and how he’d like to spend time with them…

From here we’d build the lifestyle and then like a perfect ecosystem, we’d gently bring the work bit (where he can make a super difference in the world, and make money) down into his lifestyle to make it even BETTER.

Getting back to the ‘age’ bit though – I think he’d be like 100% of my clients in their 30s, 40s and 50s… When we figure stuff out I always ask them: ‘Do you think you’d have been ready to do this amazing new thing with your life even a few years ago?’

They ALL SAY NO. 100%. NO. This is SOOOO relieving for people to realize who have been sooo worried that they’ve missed the boat.

No, my friend, you’re right on time. Perfectly on time.

All aboard.

Yep to Skype – for sure – amazing tool, and bizarrely I love the phone too – it’s so nice to be able to have meaningful chats with people from all over the place.

Only one time that Skype proved a problem and that was when my client in Sydney Australia showed me the tropical view out his window while I was looking out at 3 feet of snow. I never quite got over the shock and envy of that.

I don’t know that book Heather! I’ll check it out

Thanks for these videos! I needed to listen to them this morning. You’ve really made my Monday shine just a little. My hubbs and I sure do want to carve out some time for each other and come together to figure out our futures as 30-ish-somethings. I have a great job and he just finished his masters while staying at home with our new baby boy.

This post was really inspiring. I know I want to work for myself, possibly as a family business (hubbs and I). I know I want to work from home. Your words really resonate with where I am right now—it’s our whole lifestyle that needs to change. We know the direction, but we need to get on the right path.

Hi Darcy,

Holy cow I’m so glad you shared this. I really feel for your position. I feel the fear of it (because I’ve been there with my commercial diving – security / years put into it)

I also feel the wide open vista in front of you. Scary as *&^% but the good news is that it’s not as hard to figure out as most people think. Trying to figure out ‘what you want to do’ for a smart person like you is like asking someone ‘what is going to be your favourite song for the rest of your life?’ wtf!? No one can answer that.

What do you want to DO for the rest of your life? This question has grounded more good strong people than any other. It’s a BAD question. It either leaves one feeling like they have no ideas or too many, either way grinding people to a halt. Plus you are a growing individual – who even knows who you’re going to be in a few years, if you get me.

Better question: How do you want life to feel?

The way to begin, Darcy, imho is to ask questions you can at least begin to answer with a bit of an ole brainstorm… If you try this, I think that 9 chances our of 10 it’s going to make you feel like you DO have some clarity about where you want to go. Here they are:

What are some (like 50!) of your Big Dreams in life? (there’s a free worksheet over on my website called the Jumpstart to help you with that if you need it)

What would be a beautiful lifestyle for YOU as an individual? (I’m a gypsy – need travel – what do you need and want?)

Who matters to you – both friends or family, and what sorts of people in the world matter to you that you would love to spend time with?

What is important to you ‘inside’ – like to your spirit? Music? Meditation? Nature? Let’s build it into your life design – even make it part of your income maybe

And finally – work and income – if you could make a difference to 3 aspects of our world and our brothers and sisters living in it, what would they be? (never mind HOW to do that – just IF YOU COULD…. what 3 aspects come to mind?)

The rest is just the mechanics of putting it together after that. There you go – my trade secret is out. And btw – you have a free 30min session with me for being one of the first 10 to comment – let’s chat

Alex

Oh. I’m taking those questions home with me. Those are great.

lol! You’ve got the Irish bit right If you can narrow the Canadian bit down to a region, you win the prize! (course you’re one of the first 10 comments, so you get a free session anyway if you want it! Yay! Looking forward to it!)

So great to hear from you. I LOVE LOVE LOVE where you’re at and the questions you’re asking. So. very. wise. I love you for it. You will find your way no matter what, because you’re asking the right questions. If you continue to feel out and build your lifestyles and income from this ‘whole life’ angle you will be so happy with it. But also, whatever you build will be able to grow right along with you as life evolves and changes.

Do you have any ideas yet what you might like to do from home in terms of a business? What you might like to share?

Alex

glad they were helpful!

Hi Alex!
I loved watching your videos and your point about the difference between the what of your life, and the WAY you do or have or express your what. I have been working on that myself and it’s funny how it can feel not “allowed” to try to build your business around the way you want to live, rather than on just “sensible” ideas about marketing or what will “sell”…thanks for that! -Sarah

Hmm. Having never lived in Canada, that’s a challenge for me to narrow it down. I’ve only visited Nova Scotia … uh … once. Haha. Although, I did check out your website. Is that cheating? It mentions Ontario.

I’m a graphic designer and I love it. I’d still like to be a designer. My agency job pays me a salary and says they pay me to be in the office, even though my heart says I could do 75-90% of what I do from home. So, one day, I’d just like to pack up and run away and do just that. I also would like to create and sell art (I have an Etsy store that kind of began as a hobby. It’s a little neglected at the moment, but I have so many ideas that I don’t have time to create …). Both paths are from the same creative fountain, though they are admittedly in slightly differing directions. I like all kinds of art—from screen printing to sewing to making websites. Being creative is definitely a lifestyle for me.

For us. My husband’s a musician and a DJ. He’d like to produce music and help artists get heard.

So, the two of us have a lot of possible ways to branch out. We just haven’t found were to plant our roots. OR decided if we even should. It’s like being hungry and staring at a menu. Or wandering a grocery store. So many choices, but it’s hard to decide what to fill up with.

I’ve been so afraid to start up my own business, especially now with our first child, even though I’m very convinced it will be the right direction for our family. It’s hard to take that leap of faith knowing times may get tight for a while. I don’t want to get hung up on money when I know that the lifestyle change will be worth all the struggle.

SARAH!! HI!!!

For those of you who don’t know Sarah Bush yet… if you are an artist of any sort, and are keen on making a creative breakthrough in your OWN WORK, you need to get to know this woman! She’s at: http://makegreatstuff.com/ Amazing work she does leading artists to new vistas.

She was also very sweet to me when I effed up an eCourse last year Big heart!

I love what you said Sarah about not ‘allowing’ ourselves sometimes to live our life (and our biz) the way we darn well want to. And yet it affects our bottom line. It really does.

Live and work 10% more the way you want to, as an entrepreneur, and you will likely see your income go up 10% too. It’s crazy, but it kinda makes sense doesn’t it?

We are the #1 thing in our businesses to work on. And giving ourselves freedom to move and express and interact in the places and ways that feels great is the only goal. This, I’ve come to learn the hard way, is the foundation upon which to build anything – from marketing & social media to admin, accounting, whatever… these are but mere tools in the hands of the carpenter.

What the carpenter builds, with her IMAGINATION, and love of life will make the tools sing….

In business – focus on the CARPENTER… there are tools laying around all over the place for you to use as soon as you know what you want to build.

And if anyone wants an idea about how to figure out what you want to build:

Consider this: imagine there was a perfect sized group of people that you find very intriguing gathered somewhere you love… on a grassy knoll in the sun, in a coffee shop, at a gym, in a meditation room… they’ve come for a couple of hours because they love hanging out with you. What experiences would you love to design for them?

If you can figure this out, you’ll have your income. Boom.

A

Gosh, I am so looking forward to our phone chat… you’ve got SO much fun stuff going on to work with. I mean, straight off the bat what comes to mind is helping new bands / musicians LEARN all about getting produced, getting heard, and branding… Workshops in what musicians need to know in the mad big world of sharing their ‘art’.

That would naturally guide some of the participants into actually producing their work with your husband, and you do the graphic design and branding. One stop shop.

Course, that’s only off the top of my head – maybe this is not really something you want to do – but let’s chat about things!

oh – and just tweak your Nova Scotia a little bit one way or the other…

Alex

Tweak NS one way or another, huh? Well, I don’t think you’re from Quebec, so I’ll stick with Ontario. I’ve been in the airport in Toronto on the way to Japan, so it’s like the only other province I know.

Hmm. Workshops sound interesting. I wonder if my husband would be into that. It would be easy to put stuff like that up on the web—videos or other downloadable content. I think he and I would work well together; we do compliment each other, after all.

Putting the pieces together is always the hard part. When I sit down and try to examine what I would rather be doing in life, there are so many interesting directions to follow.

Hey Alex, just wanted to say HELLO!

Deep down I want a break from ‘helping’ and I feel some guilt around that…having identified as a person who cares and likes to help to one who just wants transactional work, it is a bit of an identity crisis and feel a bit bad about myself for that. Have you come across this often in your work with helping professionals?

Hi Alex!
I would like your thoughts on how to support a spouse who is feeling lost and looking for their new direction in life after losing a job. I think they have the entrepreneurial way in them but feel trapped by needing to provide insurance and income for a family with children. The have also always worked in a corporate lifestyle where income was predictable. So far all the steps forward in looking for a job have been to no avail so I think his self esteem is low.
Love your insights. The story was great!

Yes, I hear you on so many interesting directions. Here’s what I find is a helpful way to approach that… Think of a musician playing the piano – she LOVES to play. Her inner light has a channel to get out – she plays and feels great. She would not feel that for long however if she always had to play the same song.

She needs to be able to play music that inspires her at the time and the music will morph and evolve as her life moves along. The piano is a way for her to express her current passion and spirit.

Our business needs to be like that piano – more like a channel for us to share things we love wherever we’re at in life…

For instance, hypothetically speaking, if you and your husband began sharing that work with musicians we spoke of, and he got to really follow his interest in supporting them… well this is just a channel – if you noticed that you loved meditation and what it did for you, then you could share this with the musicians that were intrigued by it. If you wanted to support a charity as part of your work life, you could involve whatever musicians from your list might want to join you…

Your bread and butter, the core of your business, is about helping musicians – but just about anything whatsoever COULD help musicians and can be woven into your business.

I don’t know if I’m getting my point across exactly… let me say for me – my favourite kinds of people to hang out with and work with are people like perhaps you who are really curious about life, pursuing interests, want to make something beautiful out of this earthly experience, and fun! People with that ‘twinkle’ for life in their eyes- you know what I mean? Working with people like this make my life way better.

But people like this have SUCH a wide array of needs and interests. I’m doing the life-direction work with them, but I also do a relationship resolver program, a meditation club, I teach energy healing, and a couple of years ago I went to work with Moms and kids with HIV in Honduras and my ‘clients’ supported it – paid for it, sent me boxes of medical supplies and kids school stuff… I also simply help people figure out their ‘bucket list’ and get working on a fun dream – so far people in 13 countries have jumped into that with me!

My point being whatever I am interested in at the time, my business becomes the instrument in my life to channel it, and very often at least some people in my ‘audience’ like what I’m playing! (not every time )

Once you narrow down even just a touch who you’d like to work with, then you can design whatever your heart desires for them, and keep on designing beautiful creations for as long as you want. The ultimate in life creativity, I feel.

Does this help at all?

Alex

Loving this dialogue! Awesome questions!!!! I’m in the presence of some amazing folks here.

I’m going to respond to these next two comments in a sec, but 2 things – I’ve been responding back and forth all the while to many of the comments below and there is some super valuable content I feel with the brilliant questions, and with any luck somewhat useful answers! So don’t miss that as there may be nuggets you’re looking for already there!

Kinda lengthy answers I know, but I love this subject and I’ve got stuff to say about it. Becuase it SUCKS so MUCH when you feel stuck in this life-direction thing. If it’s anything for you like it was for me, it was pretty much depression at one stage. It felt bleak, and awful – feeling like i just might miss out on ‘life’. Gack.

I am soooo happy I found my way through. I just went for a walk with my wife in the sun and was thinking – it is a rare and beautiful thing that I no longer question what I’m doing with my life. It is an incredible feeling – FREEING – not to be wondering, questioning every day as I used to trudge into work.

If I can be 1% helpful to you in finding a piece of this, I’d write comments all day and night for you. I want you on YOUR track you were MEANT to walk. Carpe Diem. Make today the day it all started.

Love,
Alex

ps – now onto the comments (and my pot-roast leftovers. I MADE MY VERY FIRST POT ROAST YESTERDAY (apologies to vegetarians for my glee) and it was AWESOME!!! I’m so happy. My wife nearly fell out of her skin when she walked in last night to find the table set and a huge platter of roast beef, baked baby potatoes, veggies, gravy… the lot. She said ‘IS IT MOTHER’S DAY or something???’

Hi! What a lovely, beautiful, and brave question. You are voicing this for thousands of ‘helping professionals’ who are asking about and struggling with the same thing. It’s the white elephant in the room whenever I’ve been to marketing workshops for ‘the helping fields’ – the truth is often we don’t WANT more clients because we have simply been overdoing it for too many years.

Here’s a few reflections, and you can let me know what sticks… first off – we have all been brainwashed nastily into setting up our businesses based on 5 days/wk, x hours per day. This is a garbage system to organize our energy. I have never met anyone ever sharing healing or something creative that works well within that system.

And yet for years with my Reiki clinic, what did I do? Mon-Fri 9-5.

Here’s the problem – if you’re selling widgets you can do that for 40 hrs per week. If you’re doing BIG important creative engaging work – picture a musician on stage entrancing an audience – could they do that 40 hours per week? No. If they tried, they’d look like *&^% and be of no use to anyone.

Big output equals big downtime. And not just downtime, but spiritual time, writing time, reading time, walking time, sitting in a coffee shop time… these are not extra-curricular activities for healers and artists – these are investments and our business time needs to include these things.

But we need to work x hours with y number of clients to earn our way…

This leads to the 2nd reflection. You have important gifts, I know you do, and as much as you have excelled at 1on1 work, the gift may be bigger than that. How would you feel if some of what you’ve learned in your life experience were to be in the hands of individuals ‘out there’ somewhere: bringing a smile to a tired face, relief to a stressed situation, a hug to a child… and all the while – you’re on your back deck reading a book…

This is where designing our lifestyle becomes good for our bottom line and sharing our gifts… cut out the 1on1 work altogether or back it off and find ways to share you special stuff to a larger audience who could use it.

This may sound dramatic, but how would you feel about your work if it consisted of 2 hours every Wednesday afternoon where you taught something very cool and exciting over the phone?

Do you see where I’m going with this? Is anything striking a chord yet? If not, tell me more

Alex

oh – and one more quick thing – the other thing I’ve noticed with clients who are feeling that tiredness in the helping fields – sometimes all that’s needed is a change of ‘who’.

I had a business coach who was sick to death of it. Retiring anyway, but leaving with a bad feeling. Said he never wanted to any of THAT again but was still a young man (50) and wondered what to do with the rest of his life.

he went on a trip to South East Asia, ended up on an island somewhere and within a couple hours over fruitjuice was able to really help the local fruit cooperative figure out important things to get going.

he came back completely enthused and wanted to be a business advisor all over again – just not to Canadian businesses… businesses in the developing world now. Bam – new lease on life, loved his work. Crazy eh?

I admit that when I left the full-time Reiki work behind, I also left behind working with people that don’t care all that much about life – if you know what I mean.

Alex

Wow, another super question. And can I say at the outset – I love it that you are here asking this. I hear such wonderful compassion in your words. Not everyone has someone who will stand by them at times like this. Let’s face it, it can be scary, confusing and when we’re not feeling ‘ok’ in life it’s easy for relationships to bump along with it too, eh? We’ve all been there at times I think.

Life transitions happen. They just do. We outgrow the pot we were in and either HAVE to leave on our own (cuz the work is killing us), or we get kicked out of our old pot.

I’d love to chat with him, and would certainly see if he’d watch the ‘finding your Calling’ Workshop over on my website – it’s free… http://www.BigDreamProgram.com

but off the top of my head here, to address the issue (and fear) of being a provider – I think there is ONLY ONE REAL FORM OF SECURITY. Jobs come and go, clearly. So do careers – we get outdated or whatever. We think it is so secure to keep the regular paycheck – and it IS in the short-term. We get lulled into a coma when our paychecks are coming in…

BUT – you are putting your entire security into the hands of something outside you. A person, a company. You are completely at the whim of whatever social waves could tip your boat. Also, many jobs are just plain unhealthy – they weren’t designed for human beings I don’t think. Most corporate jobs fit into this category. Well, it worked with the rats, how come these employees are all sick and unhappy? So… there is a further insecurity for many people based on the healthiness of their work and stress level, etc.

To top it all off, we also put our income POTENTIAL into the hands of another person. Here you go – you tell me what I’m worth and how much I can make, and there is very little chance that that amount will change more than 10% a year if you’re lucky. ‘Can you please let me know if you’ll be able to give me enough money over the coming years to take my wife to Italy? Thank you so much’

Another view of security: you learn how to turn your ideas and life experiences into value for other people – in many different ways (diversity) you earn income by giving people things of great value to them. You build the world to be a better place, you have meaningful interactions, you are in charge of your own destiny, and you are in charge of your money. This is REAL security.

There is only one skill behind making this happen – a skill which can be practiced beginning today even with a spare couple hours in the evenings… practice turning your ideas into some income – once you learn this – you will always have security – because humans always need something from each other. We do, that’s what can make living together so beautiful. Can self-employment be insecure at times? Of course – maybe the odd week or month, maybe a whole idea or two do not work – but with some really good help and coaching a person can begin honing this skill and once you earn the first dollar your own way, you will never be the same again. Ergo – security.

Entrepreneurship is not an ‘outside thing’ like learning accounting – it is learning a way of BEING in the world – being of SERVICE with your most valuable life experiences and skills. The nuts and bolts of it can be learned and so can this inner way of being. It’s not such a big deal at all.

Is this a start for you? Let me know if I’m off base

Alex

Great coaching for Barber #1. I believe he’s feeling a whole lot better now.

Great coaching for Barber #1. I believe he’s feeling a whole lot better now.

Me too.

Me too.

This is so brilliant Alex! Yes — so agree with you on this… “whatever I am interested in at the time, my business becomes the instrument in my life to channel it, and very often at least some people in my ‘audience’ like what I’m playing!”
Why I LOVE what is available via the online world today (so many ways to share one’s gifts) – the main issue being the CHOICES become overwhelming and the learning curves to get over.

I notice a big sign for myself is to notice where I have “business crushes” on others — where it just looks like how they are living there life and doing there work is easy and fun and “why aren’t I doing that?” So I’ve learned to get going in that direction and create my own version.

This is so brilliant Alex! Yes — so agree with you on this… “whatever I am interested in at the time, my business becomes the instrument in my life to channel it, and very often at least some people in my ‘audience’ like what I’m playing!”
Why I LOVE what is available via the online world today (so many ways to share one’s gifts) – the main issue being the CHOICES become overwhelming and the learning curves to get over.

I notice a big sign for myself is to notice where I have “business crushes” on others — where it just looks like how they are living there life and doing there work is easy and fun and “why aren’t I doing that?” So I’ve learned to get going in that direction and create my own version.

So agree — it is really easy to go into entrepreneurship and end up re-creating a J.O.B. for oneself –except its worse, b/c there are no work benefits (like free pens or health insurance plans).

Why Alex is such a great teacher to entrepreneurs who have lost there way….”come back to the play ground!”

Thanks for going deep with your answers Alex! I’ve learned a lot reading through these conversations.

You are incredible. You’ve got your life style wisdom to share AND you make pot roast!

Mmmm. pot roast… Sorry, what were you saying?

holy cow Heather – that’s a good insight. I never thought it consciously until you said it, but I totally nodded my head at the ‘business crushes’ thing. You’re so right, and I can see that clearly now. Thank you!

And love the… ‘and create my own version’

NICE.

A

poor sod. Can’t believe I just left him hanging there. If it weren’t for you two asking, I might have never thought of finishing the story.

I have already made up my mind that the ‘new ending’ born today on Heather Gray’s blog will henceforth be part of my traveling workshop roadshow!

Alex

soul-filled cafe – yes, it has a great ring to it, and VERY YOU Heather! I do believe you might have to do something with that. Membership gang perhaps?

A

I am late to the party and don’t have time to write more right now, but wanted to say hi. I can’t wait to read through all of this later today! Alex, I loved your first video and am eager to see your second. I love your philosophy and look forward to learning more!
heather – as always – love your creativity and pure awesomeness!!
xoKaren

Great to “see” you here Karen! Thank you for your kind words. I feel so lucky to have you close by in the DC area to do some of the fun lifestyle stuff with.

Love your comment about big output = big down time. This is something I haven’t been acknowledging and I think it’s really true. It’s also tricky to handle when you’re fairly new at your business because you don’t feel like you can justify the downtime because you need to make more money…at least, that’s how I often feel…so I try to go-go-go and can feel how I felt when I was working for “the man”. Any suggestions about that transition?

Thanks so much for jumping in Karen! Lovely to meet you

Hope you find something useful, and sounds like you and Heather are wisely investing some time on your lifestyles already

Alex

Sarah! I do the same thing too sometimes. We all do. And yet, at least for me, I know where it comes from. It’s like the monkey trying to get the cookie out of the cookie jar but can’t while he holds the cookie in a fist.When we have days where doubts are high, stress is up, fear is up (and this is not just entrepreneurs but those with higher responsibility jobs also) we become like the monkey – desperately trying to make something happen because it feels important, and yet we strangle the heck out of things working properly. WE become the bottleneck. And of course when we feel a bit desperate like this it sure doesn’t bring in business, does it. It’s like hoping to attract a romantic partner: If you’re feeling desperate, good luck… people will run away in all directions right! They do it unconsciously mostly, but they do.Sad, unfair maybe, but true. It’s human nature.Ergo – it’s exactly the same when money is a bit tight, when we are trying to make something happen is when we MOST need to let go, walk away from time to time. I know, easier said than done.Here are some suggestions:1. meet another entrepreneur friend to go out for a walk, coffee shop… so you can both ‘step back’ for a bit. Let them know when you’re getting all gitchy waa waa and need to get away. 2. Other ways to be ‘forced’ to let go of the cookie… book things you can’t get out of easily during the DAY – yoga classes, fitness session, walking club, daytime artwork tours with others, etc.3. I meet my mates just about every Friday afternoon anytime after 2pm for pints. Been meeting for years. All self-employed. It’s awesome, and if I say I can’t make it, they pretty much kidnap me. They do not let me BS them with excuses. ‘Still got work to do? That means you messed up. Do it Monday. Come now. Already ordered your pint. You get the idea – we need to earn money, we earn money when we can step back and let things flow. We earn more money not by doing more, but by growing our energy. To chain ourselves to our laptops has the opposite effect. BUT, I don’t always have the strength to let go myself – hence the nifty social strategies above!Any other ideas to add to this list anyone?? Alex

thanks Alex…spot on, and I keep DOING it b/c I know it brings smiles to a tired face, but now my face is now longer smiling even knowing that! It’s kinda shocking to me really…
so re-jig the lifestyle and work to be exciting for me – yes, next step, and WHAT is that and even if I have a niggle HOW to make it make money!!?? That is for future discussion as I think the post is over now… thanks friend!

You’re so welcome. Here’s my thinking on it… if an architect jumps TOO quickly to figuring out the structure and the mechanics, she is unable to grow the design properly. There is a time for broad vision to get that right, then figure out the how. Get these steps reversed and you end up creating things based on old patterns, and we already know you want to change that.

Sooo… design phase – FIRST think about what elements would go into a wonderful lifestyle – allow yourself to be unrealistic. This is the way to break old ways of building life, to really bring something refreshing into our life design. It’s also the way to bring fresh ideas into our income area. It’s also way smart for energy and ergo money.

The reason this may feel unrealistic is because very few people take the time to figure out what kind of LIFESTYLE they are building – the mood, the feel… and therefore almost no one has built something like this for themselves.

In terms of new ways of working, I’d suggest taking a good 3 days off if you can and see if you can get yourself some quality time to decompress. Take yourself off somewhere if possible! Eat and drink lovely things. Get a nice notebook and brainstorm / journal your life and what you’ve learned by long (and sometimes hard) experience. What have been your pivotal experiences… in YOUR life.

What things have you learned about your life that would be sooooo satisfying to give to others? And what channels would you like to use to bring that to just the right folks who are stuck with it?

Then what I’d do is brainstorm 50 ways that this information could be shared in 10 hours per week or less, earning the $ you need now in your life, plus 25% extra to give yourself a raise and some fun.

When you get 50 possible ideas, ask friends or other entrepreneurs to bounce your ideas around with, talk about the ideas to anyone you like who will listen. The talking alone will make them seem more and more real and I KNOW things will start to seem doable, tryable, more realistic. You will also get new ideas as you talk. Then it’s just a matter of giving things a try. You can keep tweaking and experimenting with putting the lifestyle and work bits together and see what works!

You will be so delighted with things even when you get to the ’10% of the way’ mark creating this, you will jump up and down with the biggest smile on your face. I can just see it.

Hope this helps

Alex

Hi folks! I’m just heading downstairs with my wife to watch Lord of the Rings – the 2nd one, what’s it called? The Two Towers? But I’m a nightowl and enjoying the heck out of this whole blog thing.

sooo – if you still have questions / comments, and it’s ok with Heather, post em up! I’ll be back in a couple of hours

Alex

Stay as long as you’d like Alex! It’s your “room”

Thanks Alex, I like it! I think I just realized that it is not that I don’t want to help people, I just want to do it a back door way…via dogs, creating sanctuary for others, sanctuary defined quite loosely from a hang out joint to a place of rest…hmmmm…. I’ll nooodle!
thank you wise one!
sherri

Heh. I like that, “business crushes” … it’s so true. I’ve been having a business crush on freelance designers forever. I know it’s not all pajamas and sleeping in—obviously—but I’m tired of the office hours defining my life. There have been so many times this year that I’ve found myself saying “Why aren’t I doing that?” about both design and selling my art online … if I had a $1 for every time I told myself that in my head … I wouldn’t need to work at all!

The choices are really the overwhelming part. That and taking the leap out of the “standard,” out of the “secure,” and into the unknown. All my life, the office job, the salaried job, has been taught to me as the most desirable … but I find myself sitting in my comfortable office chair at my nice desk, looking out the window and daydreaming about being in a home studio designing for clients of my choosing, making things from my own creative direction instead of someone else’s. It’s maddening to be in this uncomfortable place, to feel in between worlds.

I like the idea of creating my own version of things that inspire me. I just need to figure out the best way to do that. I need to get over my fear that such a thing is “wrong” or “undesirable” when it both feels very right and very desirable for my dream lifestyle.

Ahhh… the sweet feeling of sanctuary. Just to say it feels good. Take care Sherri!
Alex

Sounds to me like your heart is already in the process of building your new life. Sure, it’s difficult to leave the ‘known’ but we already know that you’ve outgrown it.

I wonder what it’s all going to look like a year from now! You get to write that chapter.

Enjoyed the conversation today!

Alex

Good night all! I had such a great time hanging out with you today. thank you Heather for the warm hospitality at the soul-filled cafe. You are the BEST!

We’ll be in touch with the free sessions and whatnot tomorrow. (need some sleep now.)

To your clear way forward,

Love,
Alex

Hi

Okay I typed a reply and I think it is in cyberspace. Heather I am proud of all u r doing. I thought Ottawa would fall off the map when you moved away. Now I see it is helping me to link with ur fab community. Alex you are simple and real. If can package that in a tea for me right now I’m all over it. Life is in new challenge mode again. I was working two jobs this summer and fall and was a single mom and a new German Shepherd puppy. Add to that I tried to be super mom and women exercising and house things. I teach health during the day and have stopped part tine job number 2. I’m stuck because in my make shift office sitting on a big rock on a small mountain I got that I don’t leave enough space to heal. So I think I just answered my
Question. I need to evaluate building a new design. Love and lavender to all

Thank you so much Alex for this very full day of great Lifestyle Guidance!

You have certainly set a new record for staying thru with us till the midnight hour. :^)
You’ve tweaked many brains (including mine) with your advice on how to go about setting up a life that sings.

much love, Heather

Justina — so wonderful to see you here. Ottawa has certainly not fallen off the map for me. I miss you all and the lifestyle of nature, city and wonderful people that Canada’s capitol offers. Check out this month’s “Tone” magazine. A good friend of Alex’s is on the cover and leading some fun workshops there at the end of November.

Certainly sounds like you have a FULL life going on — you may want to check out Alex’s free online “Callings” course over at bigdreamprogram.com I think you would enjoy it.

hugs, h

Hi Justina – so nice to hear from you! Love Ottawa. Teach workshops there from time to time. Oh my goodness yes – as Heather said – check out Tad’s workshops (Tone magazine cover). He’s so great.

It certainly sounds like you’ve been VERY busy. If I can help you out in any way with some of the lifestyle reno, let me know!

Alex

Hey this Alex guy is fantastic!
What a great story. Two thumbs up!

Great points, Alex! One of the biggest mental/belief shifts I had to make in order to impact the world the way that I felt drawn to, was to throw out the idea that time is money. Time isn’t money…it’s time! Money is simply a reflection of value to the marketplace with impact and quantity.

It’s helped me a great deal as I value the creative and down time

[...] The Soul-filled Cafe was launched in February of 2011, as a place for coaches to “gather, share and connect.”  You can read more about the evolution of the Cafe at Marketing for Hippies, in an interview I did with Tad Hargrave (and find out how it got its name from Alex Baisley.) [...]

the videos on your site was not working?
Also i wanted to kno when i will get that 30 min free consult? You do not have an email btw? I would appreciate that offer. thanks joanna 

[...] From ‘Life Sucks’ to ‘Lifestyle, Soul-filled Cafe guest post by Alex Baisley [...]