Burn the Ships! And Escaping Mediocrity

by Heather on January 24, 2011 · 40 comments

Soulfilled Guest Post with

Sarah Robinson

“Escaping Mediocrity One Adventure At A Time”

Escaping-Mediocrity: 28 Days to Get Your Sh*t Together Blog Event.

Twitter: @sarahrobinson

Burn The Ships! by Sarah Robinson

So I was on a coaching call with my amazingly fabulous coach Andrea J. Lee and we were doing our typical stuff “I’m, working this….I needs help with that…” when suddenly, in true AJ Lee style, the conversation turned to the stakes I am playing for.

First she asked, “What would you let stop you?”

I felt so smart and smug, “Well Andrea, my post last week called “What Stops You” talks about that. I listed all the scary things I’m really afraid of out in front of god and everybody.”

Score one for the good student. I thought.

“Uh huh.” she says. “Let me ask you this: are you playing to win Sarah or are you playing not to lose. Because it sounds like you are playing not to lose.”

Crap. She’s on to me.

“What would it look like for you to be ALL IN with no way back? How do we burn your bridges? Or better yet, burn your ships like Cortez?”

“Uhhhhh……”

I couldn’t answer the question.

So I got direct kick in the ass instructions and this post is my starting point.

I am terrified to burn my ships. I want a safety net. And yes, I am afraid I will fail and look ridiculous in front of people who so matter to me.

But just saying those things isn’t enough. In fact, saying I’m afraid is a cop-out. It makes me feel like I am doing something big and daring when actually I’m not. I’m doing something that I hope YOU will think is daring. Because I’m all about what other people think.

What is daring is saying this: 2010 is my make it or break it year. Actually the first quarter is my make it or break it window. All my chips are in. And if I don’t make it, I am PACKING IT UP.

What does packing it up look like?

This: shutting down my blog, ending my social media engagement, giving up my coaching practice. It means getting a job, working for someone else, possibly putting my child in daily after school care and not seeing him between 7:30 and 6pm ever day, leaving behind the tribe I’ve finally found, forfeiting the way of life and the way of work that I have come to cherish during the past five years.

Would I survive all that? Sure I would. Do I WANT to survive all that? Just thinking about a life like that makes me want to throw up. No – it makes me want to curl up in a ball in my bed and stay there.

But that is my future if I don’t pull out all the stops, play to win and DECIDE I am burning my ships.

(And just so you know, for me burning the ships means more than just saying there is no Plan B. It means eliminating Plan B and C and D altogether. )

I’m no longer willing to be afraid of anything I listed in last week’s post.

-If I embarrass myself and look so horrifically foolish in the first quarter of 2010 (so foolish I don’t want to show my face on twitter or in public for fear of the ridicule), I still have people who will love me and hold my hand and step back out again with me.

-If I say something that pisses off you, my tribe, or anyone else I think highly of (so much so that you slam my name all over the web and in the real world), I can either a) apologize if I am wrong or b) realize that I am not going to make everyone happy all the time.

- If I splay myself open and find out someone doesn’t care (which will break my heart into a million pieces), I will remember that the important thing is that I told the truth – my truth – which all I can ask of myself in this life. This won’t stop my heart from shattering, but it will give me something to hold onto while I am picking up the pieces.

- When I am afraid that there is not enough love, or money, or recognition or success to go around (there is a part of me that still believes that more strongly that I want anyone to know considering what I do for a living), well….I’ll just have to work on my scarcity mentality.

-And if that super influential, important person decides they don’t like me (and that opinion matters WAY more than I want to say out loud), well all I can say is FU because I am awesome.

-If I make a mistake – and I am certain I will make many of the kind that make me feel stupid, fraud-like, embarrassed and ashamed – I can apologize, make things right, re-group with my nearest and dearest and keep on going.

- When I don’t know the endgame, and I don’t and I won’t (even though I pretend I do to keep myself from feeling so untethered that I might fly off the planet), I can take the next indicated step or leap and remember that “action is the middle finger to doubt” (thank you John Haydon).

- And when I avoid pain (the heart-wrenching, rattles my core, puts me under the bed kind) I can remember that my greatest lessons have come from feeling extreme pain (and I can call on my BESTEST friends to hold on to me while I get to the other side of it – which is way better than remembering some dumb lesson).

So, to begin setting my ships on fire (I still have more to do), I flashing a giant middle finger to EVERYTHING I am afraid – no – everything I am physically, to-my-core, in a caveman survival kind of way – TERRIFIED of.

I’ve lived through worse than anything you can dish out.

And you, my tribe, are bearing witness to my declaration. This game is on!

* * *

Sarah Robinson is Chief Of the Hooligan Tribe, “Escaping mediocrity in life & biz one adventure at a time!” She is a seasoned coach and business strategist who helps entrepreneurs, parents, authors and others blast through the grip of mediocrity. An entrepreneur herself for more than 8 years, she has her finger on the pulse of the challenges, questions and concerns faced by anyone who is trying to “swim upstream”. Her expertise in personal and business change was developed through many years of working with and providing coaching to other entrepreneurs and start-up non-profits, where she honed her ability to “turn around” thousands of struggling individuals and organizations.

Sarah trained as a coach with “the best-known life coach in America,” New York Times bestseller and O magazine columnist, Martha Beck. She is married with 1 child and lives in Birmingham, AL with her family and their lab, Pepper.

http://escaping-mediocrity.com

Escaping-Mediocrity: 28 Days to Get Your Sh*t Together Blog Event.

  • http://www.soulfilledlife.com Heather Gray

    Sarah! It’s wonderful to have you with us today. As I’ve mentioned — your January 2010 blog series inspired the Soul-filled Cafe series (which I launched in Feb 2010).

    So….Question for you: how did you get the idea to do your first blog series with entrepreneurs?

    And I’d also love to know how you deal with inspiration. I have a sense that you are someone who gets lots of inspired ideas. How do you choose which you choose to run with and which you maybe put on the back burner to simmer.

    from my heart to yours…

  • Anonymous

    Hi Heather!
    I am so very glad to be here! I cannot WAIT to answer questions and connect with everyone here!

    To answer your question, my original blog series was born out of laziness. :-) I’d seen a ton of bloggers I admire do these 30 Day topic series on their blogs – and they’d written each and every post.. But I knew there was no way I could generate 30 Days worth of material. I don’t KNOW 30 Days worth of material. :-) So, I decided to put it together as a guest blog series, asked some of my awesome friends to guest post for me and the rest, as they say, is history!

    Ah the inspiration question: I read a ton and I read a wide variety of genres. I pay attention to what’s coming up for me as I move through this journey and a listen to what’s going on with the tribe. I do a lot of writing that never sees the light of day. And I think that writing is what helps me sift through what to move on and what to leave for another day.

    Two great questions!

  • http://topsy.com/www.soulfilledlife.com/2011/01/24/sarah-robinson/?utm_source=pingback&utm_campaign=L2 Tweets that mention Burn the Ships! And Escaping Mediocrity | Soul-Filled Life — Topsy.com

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  • http://www.unclutter-organize-transform.com/ Sue Rasmussen

    Hi, Sarah,

    I so resonate with what you wrote!! And I love hearing what you’re up to!

    You have a wonderful story to share…sounds like you’re up to amazing things this year.

    I’m curious about how you help people blast through the mediocrity…what does that mean? I mean, I get what the words themselves mean, but I’m more curious what that looks like.

    Thanks so much, and keep on burning the ships!

    Warmly,
    Sue

  • Anonymous

    Hi Sarah:

    I love your article, and I, too, live like that. I love the idea of not having a plan B and burning the ships, etc. How did it feel to “burn your ships?”

    Tracey

  • Anonymous

    Hey Tracey!
    Here’s what I’ve learned since I wrote that post: the ship burning never stops. Just about everyday – today included – I wake up to something that I’ve gotten complacent about or comfortable or that I’m just plain scared to do – and I I have torch that ship, too. How does that feel? Exhilerating and scary all at the same time. And for me, that means I am still human, still alive. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    What about you? What would it feel like to burn your ships?

  • http://www.DanaReeves.com Dana Reeves

    Great post Sarah! I’m with ya! :)

  • Anonymous

    Hey Sue!
    Great question. I think Escaping Mediocrity looks different for everyone. Some people just want to stop trying to “keep up withe the Joneses” in their daily lives, some people want to find a way to run their businesses that isn’t just a cookie cutter of some guru’s blueprint and some people may just want to stop having the same thing for dinner every week. :-)

    It’s really about running our lives – and perhaps our businesses – in a way that is true to who we are and that honors our unique voice in the world.

    Hope this gives you some ideas!

  • http://www.elianevans.com Elian Evans

    Great post and video… It is always great to get to know folks better through a video. Keep pushing and be a great inspiration… cause I need it some days.

  • http://www.soulfilledlife.com Heather Gray

    I love that! Laziness factor is underrated, but it really does help us find ways to makes things easier and sometimes works better than if we had gone for the ‘make it hard’ path.

    OK — so now you have me want to ask you, how do you know which writing sees the light of day and which does not. Do you have a filter for that or what?

  • http://www.soulfilledlife.com Heather Gray

    Thanks Elian! We had some issues with that video (Sarah’s husband computer had a fancy camera that chose to go all blurry just before our interview started — which was a great reminder to “just get it going, no perfect”)

    I also find that video makes the “connection” stronger in this virtual reality. But that the downside is sometimes people feel they don’t have the time to sit and watch.

  • http://www.soulfilledlife.com Heather Gray

    Thanks Elian! We had some issues with that video (Sarah’s husband computer had a fancy camera that chose to go all blurry just before our interview started — which was a great reminder to “just get it going, no perfect”)

    I also find that video makes the “connection” stronger in this virtual reality. But that the downside is sometimes people feel they don’t have the time to sit and watch.
    Moderate Flag

  • http://www.soulfilledlife.com Heather Gray

    TWITTER QUESTION! Ok — Sarah, I have to admit, I was crazy about twitter for almost 12 months. And called my Facebook relationship “Dysfunctional.” Then I had a big shift (partly due to creating a Facebook Like Page and then weeding out my FB profile and creating real connections) AND — now I’ve found that I have been lame over on twitter and spending all my time on Facebook.

    In our interview, you mention that you pretty much ignore Facebook. I am starting to think that being multi-tasking in social media ends up watering down being great on just one. Any thoughts?

  • http://www.safelyembodied.com Deirdre Fay

    I found your post absolutely inspiring. Right timing for me as well. Your honesty and forthrightness is refreshing. I was glad that Sue asked about “how” — every time I need to jump off a cliff, or burn some bridges I know that I become a bit paralyzed. As I sit with your post I realize how often I stop myself from moving where I want to go. I allow the internal state of paralysis/fear to define my next step instead of recognizing the fear is part of the journey into expansion. Thanks for the inspiration

  • Anonymous

    You know, I think at some point we have to make one social media vehicle our “lead pony”. I know people say you must give people your info in the way they like to consume it – and I agree with that. But there is only so much of me available to give to social media and I refuse to have someone pretend to be me in that space. So, I have my blog posts and a few other things set up to automatically go to LinkedIn and Facebook. And I’m even, gasp, putting together a group page that I will check in on more regularly. But for the most part I find that my peeps – my tribe – are on twitter. Plus I need the instant gratification of twitter.

    So I think the xecret is to find out where your core people gather and spend the majority of your time there. Don’t ignore the other places (and by that I mean don’t follow my lead on ignoring facebook!), but just give most of your attention to where most of them are.

    Make sense?

  • http://www.safelyembodied.com Deirdre Fay

    I could use some thoughts on this too — as I tend to completely ignore Facebook and twitter despite all the people who say it’s the thing to do. Heather, when you have time could you write more about how you use Facebook. I know you did that once before but i lost the post…

  • Anonymous

    oh I am so glad Dierdre. It was a revelation to me that courage does not mean a lack of fear. It simply means acting in spite of it.

    And I can say that Twitter has literally changed my life and my business. The connections and conversations I have there ae among the most meaningful in my life. I certainly won’t try to “sell” you on twitter, but it’s a game-changer for me. :-)

  • http://www.soulfilledlife.com Heather Gray

    Yes, Deirdre — I will! More has evolved since I first wrote about it too. So thanks for the request.

  • http://www.dishingwithyourdaughter.com Karen

    Wow, Sarah, this is an incredible article (haven’t watched the video yet, but will!) and I can SO resonate with what you wrote…and what you stand for. I long to “escape mediocrity” and live life on my own terms, yet sometimes (often?) find myself back in the same place, maybe a little complacent or bored or longing for something new, and then I will create a little bit of insanity (i.e. doing way too much, being way to busy) as a way to “escape” – to keep things interesting and exciting. That doesn’t work so well either!! I think my life is really an ongoing journey to find – and attend to – what really lights me up, makes me happy, while at the same time not SEEKING too hard and making myself crazy with “too much stuff.” Does this even make any sense???!

    I so admire your “burning the ships” – and even as I say that, I think, “Can I do that?” And the other part of me says, “well, yes, maybe kind of, but don’t let go of your safety net.” (Which means I feel i cant’ really burn my ships, doesn’t it?). You’re so right – we all say we’re afraid of something (which is human) and that becomes our reason for not doing it…as if fear is a bad thing…You said it so beautifully – even if the worst of what you fear happens, you will survive. I too KNOW this cognitively, yet letting go in such a big way…wow…that feels, well, scary!

    Hope this bit of rambling made sense. Just got back from an hour and a half massage and am still in la la land…

    Thanks again Heather and Sarah! You are both incredibly inspiring!

  • http://www.soulfilledlife.com Heather Gray

    Yes — makes great sense. I like the term “lead pony.” And I have found that many of my core people are more active on Facebook and more likely to interact with me over there, vs. me trying to get them to talk to me on twitter (most of them have twitter profiles but less likely to respond in real time which leads to deadend conversations).

    I did find that more bloggers are on twitter. There seems to be a big connection between the 2. (maybe b/c twitter is so much like a micro blog)

  • Jaya

    Hey, Sarah, I wonder if you can help me think about this one: As a coach, sometimes I find myself feeling like I need to motivate someone to want to get out of mediocrity. Truly, I find this much more with prospective clients than with existing ones, and maybe the simple answer is that this tells me who isn’t my next client. And it’s so much fun to work with the people who don’t need to be motivated in that way. Do you have any thoughts on this? How do you get someone to want to burn ships and take leaps into scary places? How do you get them to not only consider but actually get behind the idea that who they think they are isn’t the half of what’s possible? Thank you!

  • Anonymous

    Hi Sarah and Heather,

    Really enjoyed your video and blog posts. Love that you’re promoting “burning the ship” and being yourself! Such a simple concept and at times so difficult to do!

    Last night I was watching Simon Cowell on Oprah’s “Master Class” series. He is a perfect represention of what I’m getting from you today. “Honesty” is an art … and the confidence to act on your instincts no matter what anyone says is a great life goal.

    I love your idea on escaping mediocrity. Simply wonderful.

    Thank you,
    Cherry

  • Anonymous

    Your first instinct on this is the one I ue on this Jaya. I can’t make anyone want to escape mediocrity. If they are content with where the are, nothing I do or say is going to make that different. And yes, it is a very clear indicator of whether the person is a good fit for me as a client. :-)

  • Anonymous

    Thank you Cherry! I think the hardest ship to burn sometimes is the ship that carries the person we want others to think we are. Once it’s done, we have an immense amount of freedom, but it’s tough to light that match.

    Glad you enjoyed the post and the video!

  • Anonymous

    jealous of your hour and a half massage. :-)

    Fear is the thing that keeps us from doing something that would literally kill us. In it’s proper place, we cannot live without it. Trouble is, we let fear take center stage and assume it is always correct. Which it is not. :-) And you didn’t feel scared about burning your ships, I would be worried about you.

    So glad you enjoyed the post!

  • http://www.soulfilledlife.com Heather Gray

    I love that “honesty is an art”
    Also look forward to checking out the Master’s Series.

    Great to have you here, Cherry.

  • http://www.soulfilledlife.com Heather Gray

    Karen, RE: think my life is really an ongoing journey to find – and attend to – what really lights me up, makes me happy, while at the same time not SEEKING too hard and making myself crazy with “too much stuff.”

    Martha Beck calls this “Steering by Starlight” and being “small, nimble and self-directed”

    I think you are right on track!!

  • http://www.TheManifestationMaven.com Schneider Kimberly

    Hello Sarah and Heather,
    what a great topic and a powerful image about burning the ships. Sarah I really agree with your position that in order to step into something really extraordinary–we have to do something really extraordinary! Like REALLY LET GO of who/where we have been and trust in Source and our own resilience to deliver the goods when needed, because as long as we’ve been doing what we’ve always done, we’ll be having the same life! I’m interested in how you think this applies to our culture and our species. We seem to be living in interesting times! Do you have an opinion on what ships human beings need to burn right now, in order to step into our potential? And, do you think that, if we don’t burn them ourselves, it will happen anyway (maybe more painfully?) Would love to know your thoughts! Blessings and thanks to you both for this thought provoking topic. Kimberly

  • Anonymous

    I’ve got to sign off for a bit to turn into Wonder Mom. I’ll be back later this evening to answer more questions and comments!

  • Lisa

    Hello Sarah!
    Wonderful Interview! Absolutely loved it. I have a question about Twitter. You mentioned about getting a client?? Im googling it now however wondered if you could explain a bit more on what and why one who tweets would benefit from this?? Ohhh Im so excited to get an account. Thank you for sharing!!!!
    Lisa Berry
    Dating Your Diet

  • Barbara McCollough

    Hi Heather and Sarah,

    I really love this discussion! I wanted to be in the room with you, too! I am in the process of burning my ships at the moment and am amazed that once the flames have caught on, the fear starts to evaporate pretty quickly. I feel a part of my mind trying to take me back to the old thinking. It seems to be saying..”Why aren’t you panicking?!!” and then it starts to enumerate all the disasters that could befall me. But something else inside is VERY calm and very curious to watch where this adventure wants to take me! And truth be told? I am very excited! In the midst of it all however, I think it makes a tremendous difference to hear a conversation like you all are having and to know a new tribe awaits! Thank you both!

  • http://www.soulfilledlife.com Heather Gray

    Yaay Barbara! Burn those ships. I believe that part of you that feels very calm is a great sign. You are right on track.

  • http://www.soulfilledlife.com Heather Gray

    Wonder Mom– it has been such a pleasure to host you today! Looking forward to your blog event.

  • http://www.soulfilledlife.com Heather Gray

    Interesting Q Kimberly. I am leaving that one for Sarah to ponder…

  • http://www.soulfilledlife.com Heather Gray

    Lisa — so much of “understanding” twitter is getting in there and tweeting and following interesting people. Trying to “plan” for a client or make things happen tends to not go as well. But it you get in there and show a regular presence, then the magic of relationships begin… I’m sure Sarah will have even more to say about this.

  • Sarah

    Totally agree with Heather, Barbara! That calm space inside of you KNOWS this is what you are meant to do. Keep on keeping on!

  • Anonymous

    Use a client such as Tweetdeck or Hootsuite allows you to set up columns and sort the people you follow into categories of interest. So you can watch conversations that are happening and follow some people more closely than others. For me, just using twitter.com is WAY to overwhelming. I use tweetdeck and it completely changed how I saw and used twitter. Plus, it allows me to really build awesome relationships. Hope this helps!

  • Anonymous

    Oh – I know people who are sitting on ships that got grounded long ago, they just aren’t aware enough to know it, much less burn it. :-) And I can only speak for myself on the ship I need to burn most often and that is the ship of “certainty”. Waiting to be certain keeps me stuck in the harbor and I have to let go of it again and again if I am going to live my adventure. :-)

  • Mary Kay

    Dear Sarah,
    I am in awe. I feel you, sister. Thank you for stepping out and sharing your journey. You lead the way, girlfriend. Many are sure to follow. I just found you today. I am so right here with you. (although I live in Spain.) I’ve been playing small for several years now. Burn the boats had become one of my personal mantras when I realized my journal yearning was the same two years in a row. Bummer. But “burn the boats” came to me last year and has done wonders. It was awesome to be reminded of it right now at a crucial point in my professional journey. You’ve got ovaries, woman. Wow. way to get emotionally naked and radiate life and love. You go girl. You are really something else. I’m glad I ran into you. I’m not very active on Twitter, but I might just have to give it another go so as to share the journey with sister power like the kind you are walking around with.

  • http://www.BigDreamProgram.com Alex Baisley

    Wow! Sarah! Is this ever cool! I’m feeling very middle finger-y just reading this!

    Whew. Now, where are those ships…

    Alex

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