Guest Expert Farhana Dhalla,
Author of “Thank You for Leaving Me”
Hello Lovely Peeps of the Soul- Filled Café.
I hung onto denial like it was my last friend in the world. I couldn’t bear the thought of my world disintegrating. It just couldn’t be. He wouldn’t do that. There had to be an explanation.
With a strange kind of calm that only complete shock can produce, I asked him about it when he came home from work. His convincing denials and innocent-looking face almost had me believing him. For a flash, I thought I had manufactured this in my head. If I did not have tangible, physical proof in my hands to the contrary, I would have believed him.
The look of innocence on his face was familiar. I was shocked at how believable he appeared and I wondered how many times in the past I had fallen for his lies. Clearly, I had just not wanted to see the truth.”
Yep, that is the first vignette of my book Thank You for Leaving Me.
And truth be told, Thank You were not exactly the first words that came to my mind… I had other choice words to say to him. If I were to type them here I would exhaust the symbol keys on my keyboard LOL!
But over time, Thank You became the words.
When people hear the title of the book there are two expressions I often see… either they are smiling because they too have made the journey to gratitude and their blossoming lives are evidence of their peace and power or… they have a longing or achy look because they desire their freedom. Their freedom from pain, from guilt, from blame and their freedom from fear.
The only way I know how to get from point V (victim) to point F (freedom) is to tell the truth… and be willing to hear the truth… even the subtle truths.
Pay Close Attention to the First Feeling.
Interestingly, when my husband told me that the marriage was over, my first split second feeling was relief. But right on it’s tail was fear. I completely ignored my first feeling and attached myself onto a conditioned response of fear and desperation. (ugh!)
The first feeling is always your truth. It is a subtle knowing that can act in complete contradiction to what the situation typically dictates but it is your personal guidance system. Pay close attention to what it is telling you.
The answer always whispers to you. Listen.
Take 100% Responsibility.
He made it pretty easy to be the fall guy in why our marriage went south, but in actuality, I was 100% responsible for co-creating the life that I had been living. That was a big frikkin’ horse pill for me to swallow. When I started to look at all the ways that I had contributed to the demise of our relationship, I would call him up and clean it up. It was the most free-ing thing I had ever done.
Claiming your 100% responsibility does not negate the other persons 100% responsibility. But that is theirs to sort out. You only have control on who you are and how you show up.
I just knew that I wanted freedom too much to not undergo this vulnerable catharsis.
Tell the Truth.
Not just about the crap or that you yelled at the kids or the overwhelm and fear that you experience from time to time… but also about your beauty, your strength, your resilience, your creativity, your resourcefulness.
Tell the truth about THAT!
If you cannot tell the truth about your magnificence ask yourself if your circle can hold space for your growth and juicy re-invention.
Surround yourself with people who will celebrate you in your pain and in your magnificence and see them as no different. For they are not. Your pain is just a breadcrumb on a trail to your Magnificence.
And you will know that you are well on your way to Being your Magnificence when you feel the stirring of immense gratitude because you see that nothing was ever done TO you. Everything was done FOR you.
Oh yes, I have a couple of prezzies for you – click here for Gifts for Soul-filled Cafe Peeps!
So, Lovely Ones… what do you want to talk about today? Letting go and the Big Fat Fears? Reconciling Anger with being Spiritual? Trusting Yourself Again? Navigating Parenting and Co-parenting? The lines are open… and so am I
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Farhana Dhalla is the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspectives. Her philosophy of seeing that everything is done FOR you versus TO you is the paradigm shift that helps people unlock the gifts in their situation and liberate them into living a more enriching life.
Along with being a single mom of 3 expressive children, she is an Enlightened Divorce Coach, Speaker and Author of the internationally recognized book, “Thank You for Leaving Me.”
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